Emotional Intelligence: WHAT? WHY? HOW?

Do you know how to define emotional intelligence? Don’t worry if you can’t–even well-known psychologists argue on the concept’s true definition. Some experts focus on how it is measured, others on its components, and some emphasize the importance of “the processing of emotional information” (Alegre, 2010). However, Daniel Goleman is considered to be the father of emotional intelligence (also referred to as EQ). He coined the term from Salovey and Mayer’s definition as “the ability to attend to, understand, and regulate emotions to guide thought and behaviour (1990). Why is there so much talk about emotional intelligence nowadays, and why is it so valuable? Or, as Goleman claims, even more important than IQ? Studies on adults’ EQ has shown that it can be a “predictor of success” not only academically and professionally but also socially and personally (Goleman 1995). All in all, high emotional intelligence can improve “physical and psychological health”, “mental ability and positive personality traits”, “adaptive coping styles and mental health” and subjective well-being (Alegre, 2010). Now that we know what it is and why it’s important, we want to help you in the how-to:

Foremost, it is important to note that emotional intelligence is a personality trait that is malleable. This means that it can be taught and strengthened with the influence of the environment. Do you know what is the most powerful influence of emotional intelligence in a child’s environment? Their parents! Although parents are the main source of emotional intelligence training for children, there is little research on how parenting styles’ affect emotional intelligence (Alegre, 2010). However, we can go through the little information that we do have. The first step is learning about our own emotional intelligence, which helps us to be better at teaching our children. Research shows that when parents participate in emotional training or “parental emotion-related practices” their children develop a higher emotional intelligence (Alegre, 2010). These “parental emotion-related practices” might sound daunting at first, yet it can be as simple as modeling the process of identifying your own emotions and talking about them. By doing this simple process together, your child can learn to understand, identify, and react to their own emotions as well (Denham & Grout, 1994; Denham, Mitchell-Copeland, Strandberg, Auerbach, & Blair, 1997).

The second step involves learning about parenting styles. Although there isn’t a lot of research on each specific parenting style, there is information on specific parental traits that can be helpful in developing your child’s EQ. One essential trait is responsiveness, which refers to a parent’s “warmth, nurturance and support” provided to their child. Responsiveness in parenting is linked to children having higher comprehension of their own emotions (Alegre, 2010). Research has shown that the level of parental responsiveness can lead to positive outcomes in children’s self-esteem, psychological well-being, and even the ability for self-regulation (Eiden, Edwards & Leonard, 2007). It is important to note that having warmth is not about constantly affirming your child’s behaviour. Having warmth as a parent means to be kind but firm while listening to your child, and remaining calm when your child is showing challenging behavior. In my experience as a preschool teacher, I’ve learned how important it is to stay calm with children, especially when they are not being calm. It might sound silly, but I have found that children are able to sense how adults are feeling and will feed off this energy. One of the most significant memories I have from working with kids is when a very upset child was crying and screaming, while at the same time wanting desperately to cling to my neck. I gently held her hands and spoke calmly, “I need to hear your words, I can’t understand your screams and cries” and because she was overwhelmed I said, “I can see you need a hug, let’s take a couple deep breaths and then hug”. After she took some deep breaths, she stopped screaming. I affirmed her emotion by telling her that it was okay to be upset and asked her calmly, “do you want to tell me what is bothering you?” As we talked through the events leading up to that moment, we figured out that she was frustrated. Frustrated is a really big word for a preschooler, but she was able to understand what it meant just from using it in this situation. This shows that we can use difficult and emotional situations as teachable moments for children. If we take the opportunity to talk through difficult emotions, we can teach them how to label them and strategies for how to deal with them.

The third step in developing emotional intelligence is learning about specific emotional learning training targeted to your child’s needs (Alegre, 2010). There are many socioemotional intervention programs used in schools which have shown positive effects (Alegre, 2010). However, in order to access these programs you must find teachers willing to practice and certificate in them. Other emotional learning might be trendy mindfulness strategies or educational games, yet it is difficult to find reliable evidence-based resources. Luckily, if you are reading this, then you are well on your way to accessing a type of EQ intervention program.

Lightouch aspires to be your centre of resources and community help in all things involving social and emotional learning. You can think of it as your one stop reference for emotional intelligence. The mission of Lightouch is to empower children and parents through helping them to build their emotional intelligence skills. Their educational app will help your child learn and practice skills that enrich their EQ, while providing a wealth of resources for general information, tips, and specific information about emotional intelligence in children.

Written by Meylin Hung Rodriguez
Edited by Serena So

References:

Alegre, A. (2010). Parenting Styles and Children’s Emotional Intelligence: What do We Know?. The Family Journal, 19(1), 56-62. doi: 10.1177/1066480710387486

Eiden, R. D., Edwards, E. P., & Leonard, K. E. (2007). A conceptual model for the development of externalizing behavior problems among kindergarten children of alcoholic families: Role of parenting and children’s self-regulation. Developmental Psychology, 43, 1187- 1201. 

Denham, S. A., & Grout, L. (1992). Mothers’ emotional expressive- ness and coping: Relations with preschoolers’ social-emotional competence. Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs, 118, 73-101.

Denham, S. A., Mitchell-Copeland, J., Strandberg, K., Auerbach, S., & Blair, K. (1997). Parental contributions to preschoolers’ emotional competence: Direct and indirect effects. Motivation and Emotion, 21, 65-86. 

Goleman, D. (1995). Inteligencia emocional. (Emotional intelligence). Barcelona, Spain: Editorial Kairos. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 9, 185-211.